What Is EMDR Therapy? A Plain Language Guide
You've probably heard someone mention EMDR. Maybe a friend said it helped them more than years of talk therapy, or you saw it in an article and wondered if it was real. I've been using EMDR with clients for more than 10 years, and these are the questions I hear most. Here is what it is, how it works, and what it actually feels like, in plain language.
What is EMDR?
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It's a structured form of therapy that helps your brain finish processing painful experiences that got "stuck."
Psychologist Francine Shapiro developed it in the late 1980s. Since then it has been studied extensively, and it's now recommended for PTSD by the World Health Organization and the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. The EMDR International Association (EMDRIA) is a good place to read more about its history and research.
Why do some memories stay stuck?
Most of the time, your brain processes what happens to you without any effort. You have a hard day, you sleep on it, and a week later it's just a memory.
When something overwhelming happens, that process can stall. The memory gets stored with the original fear, shame, or body sensations still attached. Years later, something small, like a tone of voice, a smell, or a critical email from your boss, can bring all of it back as if it were happening now.
That's why you can know, logically, that you're safe or that something wasn't your fault, and still not feel it. The understanding is there. The memory just hasn't caught up.
How EMDR helps
EMDR uses bilateral stimulation: following a moving light with your eyes, gentle alternating taps, or tones that switch from ear to ear. While that happens, you briefly focus on the memory. The back-and-forth rhythm seems to help the brain reprocess the memory so it's stored more like an ordinary past event.
The memory doesn't disappear. You'll still remember what happened. What changes is the charge. People often describe it as the memory feeling "farther away," or say they can think about it without their stomach dropping. Beliefs that came with it, like "I'm not good enough" or "I'm not safe," often shift on their own.
EMDR is best known for trauma and PTSD, but I also use it for:
Anxiety and panic that seem out of proportion to what's happening
Painful relationship patterns that keep repeating
Childhood experiences that still shape how you see yourself
Grief, medical trauma, and difficult life transitions
Performance anxiety and harsh self-criticism
You don't need to have lived through one "big" event for EMDR to help. Many of my clients are high-functioning adults carrying a lot of smaller experiences that added up.
What a session is actually like
This is the part people are most curious about, and most nervous about. EMDR follows eight phases, but in practice it looks like three stages.
Getting to know you. We talk about your history, what you want to change, and which memories or patterns are connected to it. Nothing is rushed.
Building your toolkit. Before we touch anything painful, I teach you ways to calm your body and settle your mind. You'll know how to bring yourself back to steady ground before we start, and you can stop any time.
Reprocessing. You bring up a specific memory, notice what comes up, and follow the bilateral stimulation for short sets. After each set, we pause and I ask what you noticed. Then we continue. You stay awake, aware, and in control the whole time. It is not hypnosis.
Most people are surprised by how much happens without having to talk through every detail. You don't have to describe the worst parts out loud for EMDR to work. Sessions usually end with time to settle, so you leave feeling grounded. If the reprocessing part runs over, don’t worry. You’ll have the tools to self regulate.
Afterward, some people feel lighter right away. Others feel tired or notice vivid dreams for a day or two as the brain keeps processing. Both are normal, and we talk about what to expect beforehand.
Does EMDR work online?
Yes. All of my sessions are online, and EMDR adapts well to video. Instead of a light bar in an office, you follow a moving dot on your screen, or use self-tapping such as the "butterfly hug," where you cross your arms and tap your shoulders. Many clients find it easier to do this deep work from a space where they already feel comfortable.
You'll want a private room, a laptop or tablet (a phone screen is a bit small for eye movements), and a stable connection.
How long does it take?
It depends on what we're working on. A single upsetting event may need only a handful of reprocessing sessions. Long standing patterns or many experiences that built up over years usually take longer. During our first sessions, I'll give you an honest sense of what to expect for your situation.
Is EMDR right for you?
EMDR may be a good fit if:
You've talked about something for years and understand it, but it still feels raw
Certain situations set off reactions that feel bigger than the moment
You're tired of managing symptoms and want something to actually shift
It isn't the right first step for everyone. If you're in crisis, or don't yet have stable ways to cope with strong emotions, we would build those skills first. That preparation is part of doing EMDR well.
Common questions
Will I lose control or relive the trauma?
No. You stay present and aware throughout, and you can stop at any time. The preparation phase makes sure you have tools to stay grounded before any reprocessing begins.
Do I have to tell you every detail?
No. EMDR doesn't require you to describe a memory in detail. Many people find that a relief.
Can I do EMDR alongside regular talk therapy?
Yes. I often blend EMDR with talk therapy based on what you need each week.
Do you take insurance for EMDR?
I'm a private-pay practice. Sessions are $205 for 50 minutes, and many PPO plans reimburse part of the cost through out-of-network benefits. I use Thrizer, so you pay only your estimated share at each session. See my fees page for details.
Ready to learn more?
If you're wondering whether EMDR could help with what you're carrying, the easiest next step is a free 15-minute consultation. We'll talk about what's going on and whether EMDR makes sense for you. You can read more on my EMDR therapy page, or schedule a free consultation.
I offer online EMDR to adults throughout New York, Connecticut, and Florida.
Written by Ruth Alcantara-Zboinski, LCSW-QS, a licensed psychotherapist with more than 10 years of EMDR experience.
This article is for general information and isn't a substitute for professional care. If you are in crisis, call or text 988.